A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

A man and a friend are playing golf one day.

One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: "Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

A  man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead  sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat  down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she  sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the  man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air,  and hands it back.

Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as  she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to  make it up to you, " she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner  together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They  talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She  listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he  would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.  They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she  cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! !  Everything had been SO incredible! !! ! "You know, " he  said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you  meet?"

"No, " she replies. . . . . "

Wait  for it. .   

She  says:  

"You  just happened to catch my eye."  

With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church's
marriage marathon, the minister asked Brother Ralph to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well,  I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The minister inquired "Trips to where?"

"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."

The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Ralph. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"

Brother Ralph:  "I'm gonna go get her."

A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room .....

"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

"What?" said her Grandpa.

"Make a noise like a frog - because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney Land !"