Little Johnny  was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said to him,

"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give
you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little Johnny answered, "No He minded his own business

 

 


A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped
him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly
hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large
plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking
driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't
realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's really my fault, today is my
first day driving a cab.... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."


A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's cell phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is
your Mommy there?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the
boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," the whisper
answered.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"
"A helicopter." answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly
apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just
landed in the helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.

"ME."


A young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist: "Hello, could
you give me a condom. My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she
is expecting something from me!"

 The pharmacist gives him the condom; and as the young man is going out,
he returns and tells him: "May I have another condom because my girlfriend's
sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner
when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom; and as the boy is leaving
he turns back and says: "After all, give me one more condom because
my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes allusions... and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting something from me!!”

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying: "Dear Lord, bless this dinner...thank you for all you give us...!"

A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your kindness...
"Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.
The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more than the others.

She gets close to the boy and tells him in his ear:” I didn't know you
were so religious!!!"

The boy replies: "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!!!"