A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students at the University of Michigan. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk Theology.

One day, one of them made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that difficult. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thought led to another and they decided on an experiment. Each would go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they all met in the hospital to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was walking on crutches, and also had various body parts wrapped in bandages, spoke first.

"Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find a bear. When I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and he began to maul me. So I quickly reached for my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary, Mother of God, he became gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him his first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, receiving an IV drip, and had an arm and both legs in casts. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another, until we came to a creek. So I DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in his hospital bed. He was in a body cast with traction, receiving IV's, and there were monitors connected to almost all parts of his body. He truly was in bad shape. The rabbi looked up through swollen eyes, and with obvious pain said,

"Looking back on the experience, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew
the coffee each morning.  The wife said, "You should do it because you
get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man
should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and
showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says….."HEBREWS"

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get  anyone to  play with them.
 They decided it was because  they had not been Baptized and didn't go to Sunday  School.

So  they went to the  nearest Church.  But, only the Janitor was  there.         

One little Boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with Us.
Will You baptize Us?"  "Sure," said the Janitor.

He took them into the bathroom and dunked  their little heads in the  toilet bowl,
one at a time. Then He  said, "You are now Baptized!".

" When they got  outside, one of them asked, "What  religion do You think We are?"  

The oldest one said, 

"We're not  Kathlick, .because they pour the water on You."
"We're not Babtis,  .because they dunk all of You in the water."
"We're not Methdiss,  .....because they just sprinkle water on You."

The littlest one  said, "Didn't you smell that  water!"
They all joined  in asking, "Yeah! What do You think  that  means?"

"I think it meant we're Pisspatarians"
 

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with
his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said,
"Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to
heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey , my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel
good and the comedies make me laugh.

I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started
adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.  Frustrated,
she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door
and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your
Grandma home? "

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her
boyfriend."


Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent. The last
instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop
of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock
the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

'Who is it?', calls one of the nuns.

'Blind man,' replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and deciding that no harm
can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

'Nice boobs,' says the man, 'where do you want the blinds?



Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honour of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."